This was not my home, I had tried and tried for years to make it my own after my parents had sold the house down south and moved to the rural part of this state. Lost with no play to lay your heart, I guess that’s why I couldn’t bond with Lawrence. As far as Kansas goes it’s the bees knees. All young people all fairly liberal collage folk, hipsters dude bros scene kids. I mean some of those people are my type right? If not then everything is lost then this is all a lie. Already I know it’s a lonely type of lie just a few years ago I had a crew. MSF mass street family’s now where’s that family? Was I the black sheep of that family too? Its not like I was cast out to the live in this loneliness I now embrace every second. I built these walls. Walls of work, walls of being so bummed by the way people had treated me there was no letting anyone truly in anymore. Not like the wanted to right? I mean no one asked “ Hey Kenny u feel like yr two second from really and truly snapping?”. Its not me, its this society, built on blood and workers tears. Is this life? Work this hard till one day your numbers up? Doesn’t sound like ill ever retire from all this. There’s no end to my work, in this life at least. It’s a good thing I love what I do. To cook, for someone who can paint or play guitar or write legibly cooking would be no big deal. But it’s the only thing creative I can do, and I love it. Its my expression my dance around the pots and pans. Plucking greens like a guitarist plucks is notes. Now if someone would only pay me enough to live to do it I would be happy.
2 years, 2 years of my life I spent toiling under the bosses thumb. Never doing anything right when I was a manager. Being scared having sleepless nights. I guess that’s the one sense that cancer truly changed my outlook on life. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger right? I found it a little bit different. What didn’t kill me made me not want to put up with any more of this “yes sir” bullshit. And made me enraged when I had to. but with a cool exterior. And the loss of her, the one person I had to lean on. She was there for me for 2 years. But the cancer took her away too. No one would ever see until the infamous night how lost I was with out her. I guess this is what this is all about. A Man with no friends with in a thousand miles breaking down. Snapping after being treated like shit and having to bear it the whole time. I Mean yes there’s a political aspect to all of this too. My burglary was my revolution, my revenge, my fuck with fire dare. Witch leads us to part II, the second part……..
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